Being Myself

I spent so many years so very lost trying to make myself fit in this world. Trying to be everything but myself. I could make people like me. I could make people hate me. I could have friends and then turn and run from them. That is not the way to live. I understand that now.

I am a bit sad for the loss of the years that it took me to understand this. Why I couldn't find myself good enough to want. It is hard to want yourself when there is so many people I could see that looked a lot better then just plain ol me! Yet I guess I am pretty damn great. I never know that once I stopped running from myself how happy I could be!

There is much joy in my heart and a fun side to me still. I just I don't know how to explain it other then I thank god for finding it. I used to think that one day I was going to wake up my life over and no one ever know me. That I could drift in  this life till It was over. Well its not and I am no longer drifting lost.

This will however be the last blog on here. No fear though I have started a new one! It is great and I am very happy with it. I shed no tears and feel no sadness letting this one go. It helped me find my way and I needed that!

To my readers of this I love you all and thank you for following and being there as I discovered myself. I hope to see you at my new blog! http://frysfriedthought.blogspot.com/ There is the link. Please subscribe and follow with me. I have made it 2 months without missing a daily blog. So Proud Of ME! :D lol ... Wow I all most sound confident huh *winks*

Like A beautiful water time to keep moving on to the next part of the river. Maybe one day when I get to the end there will be a rainbow? :) 

The Lost Wisconsin Girl,

Carrie... AKA THE FRY! OH YA! lol :) 

Stepping into the light

This blog is a long time coming but I needed the long break. I was at a stand still in my life and I didn't know what way I was going to turn. On one hand I was getting my life together and the other I was still holding to all the walls I had. I was fighting to use my voice without letting me come out enough. I was talking and finding the voice for myself but not being myself. 


You cant stop being lost till you lift your head out of the dirt and ask for direction. I struggled with letting go and trusting that god wouldn't let me down. I had lost something I had found when I was 18 in my heart. Running from Wisconsin in pain. Letting my fear or getting the same reaction from everyone push away. Losing myself in a big city where I could stay invisible. No family or friends  would know my past. I could make a me and get lost in who that was. Never looking back for years. 


Now I am looking back. To when I was 18 and had let god in my heart and took all the pain and felt safe. Feeling safe is something people take for granted till they lose the feeling. It doesn't have to be big things like what happened to me. It could be a simple scary looking person walks past you on a early morning that makes you feel nervous. You will remember that and be looking nervous next time you go that way for that person. The same could be said for my life. I had lost the safe feeling and I was in search of a hiding spot. Cant worry about if you will be hurt and not safe if they just cant find you. 


Well I'm not hiding anymore. God has found his way into my heart again and I feel safe. I have a calm and I also have learned to trust. Not just say the words or try to trust but full with all my heart trust. Once I let love and trust in my life I found love and trust in myself. I love who I am. I cant say I am not without fault and I am working on me daily. Just know that it is okay to be me. I don't have to try to make a show of who I am. No drama or hiding good or bad days. No need to share them either but find the balance of being me. 


I cant say that this will be the last blog and I cant say I am not lost. I still am cause I am not home just yet. Well on my way though and the steps to get there are getting easier and more happiness is coming into my life. I cant wait to see what tomorrow will bring. After all I just might with god and the love of my life by my side ... Find my way home. 


**Thanks for reading and sorry if it is kind of a fumble but I felt need to write even thought I am half asleep lol**