Stepping into the light

This blog is a long time coming but I needed the long break. I was at a stand still in my life and I didn't know what way I was going to turn. On one hand I was getting my life together and the other I was still holding to all the walls I had. I was fighting to use my voice without letting me come out enough. I was talking and finding the voice for myself but not being myself. 


You cant stop being lost till you lift your head out of the dirt and ask for direction. I struggled with letting go and trusting that god wouldn't let me down. I had lost something I had found when I was 18 in my heart. Running from Wisconsin in pain. Letting my fear or getting the same reaction from everyone push away. Losing myself in a big city where I could stay invisible. No family or friends  would know my past. I could make a me and get lost in who that was. Never looking back for years. 


Now I am looking back. To when I was 18 and had let god in my heart and took all the pain and felt safe. Feeling safe is something people take for granted till they lose the feeling. It doesn't have to be big things like what happened to me. It could be a simple scary looking person walks past you on a early morning that makes you feel nervous. You will remember that and be looking nervous next time you go that way for that person. The same could be said for my life. I had lost the safe feeling and I was in search of a hiding spot. Cant worry about if you will be hurt and not safe if they just cant find you. 


Well I'm not hiding anymore. God has found his way into my heart again and I feel safe. I have a calm and I also have learned to trust. Not just say the words or try to trust but full with all my heart trust. Once I let love and trust in my life I found love and trust in myself. I love who I am. I cant say I am not without fault and I am working on me daily. Just know that it is okay to be me. I don't have to try to make a show of who I am. No drama or hiding good or bad days. No need to share them either but find the balance of being me. 


I cant say that this will be the last blog and I cant say I am not lost. I still am cause I am not home just yet. Well on my way though and the steps to get there are getting easier and more happiness is coming into my life. I cant wait to see what tomorrow will bring. After all I just might with god and the love of my life by my side ... Find my way home. 


**Thanks for reading and sorry if it is kind of a fumble but I felt need to write even thought I am half asleep lol**