Finding peace with my feelings

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write a new blog... It has been a long week of having to deal with a lot of emotions and working long and hard hours on little sleep. It is not the ideal type of days to write a blog and I made the choice to wait to write. Till I could give this blog the attention it deserved.

I also didnt know what to write cause I didnt know what I was really feeling. I have been working so much an then some worry on my mind too. I was starting to feel better though about friday night and was going to write and then I seen something and it set me off. So the last few days have left me in a angry pissed off mood. I hate feeling like this cause it seems to take over me when I'm mad and I want to lash out. Yet I caught myself holding back again. I dont know maybe it is a good thing to hold in sometimes and others not? I have yet to find the balance? At what point is it not okay to let something go and speak up. I know the past with my brother was something I could not hold in and had to be talked about and let out. An I know I should never let myself be walked on for fear of loss or out of feeling bad. Yet how do you tell when it is a battle worth fighting or to walk away???

I have changed in the sense my world has not fallen apart when something goes bad or makes me mad. The reactions is different then what it used to be for me. I used to drink or disapear into my world of hate and just say f*** the world and then go crying and saying I am sorry for getting mad and blowing up drunk. So many nights saying sorry for letting out my emotions in a negitive way.

I guess I am answering my question when it is worth fighting and bringing it all out an when to walk away. The time to walk away is when it will do no good but a negitive to push the issue. I want to give attention to those I care for and say I do notice and there but not when the attention they are wanting is wrong kind. I guess the best thing to do is say that hurt my feelings and walk away with that kind of thing. Be the better person and make them treat me better then that. By doing that also deserving that better treatment.

I love writing it gives my thoughts a way to clear and focus. My racing thoughts and ptsd can sometimes be so bad that I cant follow a thought long enough without my head hurting and forgetting what I even started with sometimes. I get lost in the randomness that my thoughts are at times. I feel so much better now writing this that I wish I would of wrote sooner now. I guess I didnt realize how much my writing really has been important to me. :)

Well I guess I can say I have changed I got sad this week and it was a hard one and then it got very bad this weekend but I held it together and here I am again writing to you you all and writing to myself at the same time. I didnt give up and I didnt run and hide from my troubles and problems... I wrote it out and understand them and now solved them for myself... This girl is not so lost anymore and not so much a girl anymore. I feel more like a woman and a strong one at that then I have ever.

With that said I will be heading to bed. Till next time I write thanks for reading again and I will try to catch up on my writing and my other page more soon! No more weeks like this last one I promise!!

Thanks everyone,

Lost Wisconsin Woman (not a girl tonight)


(Side note the wibsite will be getting a major update and a recipe add will be added to it soon!!! So I can get your recipes and you can see how it goes with me trying them haha... pics and stories of how I did great with them or failed... either way it should be fun! )