Well I have to say I am kind of in awe of this all. I know I set out to do a blog and really try to find me but I didn't think it would get so much of reaction. Not from other people and certainly not from myself. Thank you to all that have read my blogs to this point and who will read this one. Your words and comments after have made me feel more proud of myself then I can ever remember. An today I felt happy to be who I am. I have really been afraid of me and to speak out for so long I didn't realize the weight I was holding on my back. An I feel a bit free from it today. I was in shock and it may seem like why am I in shock? I should know this would happen but I didn't. I spent so long if fear of reactions. I had in my mind that when I got them there was no way they could or would be good ones. I have to say I feel more love and caring from people then I have since I don't know when or really ever. I think I am starting to truly see what the words mean I love you or I care about you... I think for a long time I thought they were just that words. I see they are not just that. If you open yourself up people will surprise you and show you that the words can have meaning.
That takes me to this blog. I felt so good this morning when I read the first reactions to my blogs. I cried so much. Just simple words healing me and tears of joy. I feel like me finding myself is not going to break me and there will be hard days but now I am not alone in this. I really never was alone in it. I just refused to see it. The next thing I got was the emails of people saying I had helped them so much in there lives and that they are happy to see me finally take care of myself and open up. I didn't realize I had touched so many people and I have always thought I was so bad but so many people saw the good in me. I guess I have a bigger heart then I thought.
I kind of joked when I started this blog and named it the lost Wisconsin girl but I didn't know it then just how true the words would be. I really was lost in a place in my mind I had convinced myself was as good as it would ever get. That there was no way to turn back around and connect myself of the past with who I want to be. Now I am starting to have that and there is tears of joy as I write this now. This blog is a piece of me and I am taking it out for all to see. I don't want to be the shy girl anymore. I want to be the happy girl full of life that people can see. So many times I have heard there is something about me. A spark that can inspire them or I am so smart and I can reach people. I want to feel that. I want to see who they see. No more going thanks and going what do they see? I am starting too and the confidence in me today is so high I cant wait to see what tomorrow will bring to me!
Well it is almost 4 am again lol. Seems like it is the best time for me to write and inspiration is at its best. It is probably the quiet of just sitting here with the window open with the silence and the cold winter air ... yes I am a crazy wrapped in a blanket with the window open when it is 17 degrees out but I love the smells and the crisp air... it calms me and makes me able write from the heart. Slows my thinking. :)
Well in closing to this blog thanks to all of you for your words and for your caring and showing me I am on the right path here. I feel so blessed to have you all in my life. I am truly not as alone as I had thought.
Till the next blog,
Lost Wisconsin Girl
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